Tuesday, April 15, 2014


I took this photo two years ago. I found this dress in Forever 21 and loved it, but wasn't sure if I should buy it. I took a picture, posted it to Instagram, and went home. A week later, Danny visited me -- I dragged him to Forever 21 hoping to buy the dress. Sure enough, it was sold out. I went about my life. A week after Danny left, I noticed the first signs of weight gain. Those first five pounds sent me on a tail spin. 17 extra pounds later, I cannot even imagine freaking out about five pounds, but, alas, I did. 

The past two months have been... weird, to say the least. I left my full time job. I bounced between wanting to find regular full-time work and wanting to stay freelancing. For one blissful week, I signed on to a job that I thought was my dream job -- I even wrote a post about it! A week in, however, I was told they decided they couldn't work with someone remotely, that they were sorry, that it had nothing to do with my writing or my performance, it just didn't work for them. I was devastated. I redoubled my efforts. I wondered if I should really be a writer. Should I do something else? Should I apply to every job on Craigslist!? I applied for five jobs on Craigslist that seemed interesting, but that I wasn't particularly attached to. I promptly moved on to cleaning my house, taking care of my parents' house while they were on vacation, and writing other things.

On Wednesday and Thursday, I got five phone calls. Last week, I had four interviews. Let me tell you, that's a whole lot of interviews. 

Do you want to know the weirdest part? 

I received several job offers. 

That has literally never happened for me. I've never had to pick between jobs. The really weird part was that I walked away from every interview on Thursday and Friday thinking, yeah, I'm going to get offered that job. Not feeling nervous. Not feeling like it went so-so. But feeling confident and like, yeah, that interview was mine, I did it, I rocked it, what whaaaaat!? 

You want to know the other weird part? 

I found this dress at Forever 21. 

In my head, in the store, it seemed identical to the one I tried on almost exactly two years ago. Looking at them now, they aren't identical, but they are very similar. Weirdly similar. They fit exactly the same. They have the same kind of removable straps. The same fitted bodice with plastic boning. And, just like last time, I only found one of this dress. In my size. In a random part of the store. 

It seemed weird. 

Serendipitous weird.

Serendipity: the faculty or phenomenon of finding valuable or agreeable things not sought for. 

For two years, I stressed myself out about finding my path. Finding the perfect job. Building the perfect house. Making everything absolutely perfect. It was devastating to, again and again, get rejected. After my recent one week employment that ended in sadness and an intense feeling of failure, I really felt myself let go. "OK, Michelle," I told myself, "It doesn't matter anymore. You just have to find some way to be happy. Don't stress about it. Stop thinking about it 24/7. When has that helped in the last two years!?"

I don't know if something in the universe just clicked into place, opening up doors for me that were previously closed, or if my more relaxed take on finding a job led me to be more relaxed and confident in interviews. I honestly don't know. What I do know is this: for the first time in over two years, I feel genuinely confident in my ability as a writer, as well as confident in my existence as a human.

I do not know if this is really the tail end of a really, quite frankly, no-good, very bad, awful two+ years. I do know that I feel more positive than I have in a long time and I'm genuinely happy to be where I am right now.

1 comment:

  1. That's wonderful! I can relate though, I went through a bumpy period with jobs and life, and then it was like the clouds went away and the sunshine came through. That new little dress looks fab on you and I sure hope you bought it this time! :p A little token reminder that the sun is always there, it's just hidden by the clouds sometimes and you have to persevere until it shows its face. I look forward to hearing more about this :)


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